8/25/2019 3:23:44 PM

Limbo

Truth time. I have been stuck in a rut. And if I am being completely and utterly honest, I have been in this rut for the past couple of months. I have been left with little desire to seek out the Word, no urge to surrender myself in worship and no motivation to read any of the books that months ago I was so excited to receive. To put it in simple terms - I have been going through the motions. I have been stuck thinking about the past and looking into the future, ignoring the here and now. Living back in Portland after calling Monmouth home for the past five years is difficult, I am seeing all of my old coworkers get ready for the upcoming school year; knowing that I will not join them this year. I miss my old students, my old running trails and most importantly my people. Then on the other hand, I am absolutely ecstatic for the adventure that is awaiting me. The thought of traveling to another part of the world with strangers who will slowly become family thrills me. But it’s the waiting. The limbo. The awkward time in between that I am struggling with.

I met with my mentor/friend the other day and we spoke about this for a little bit. She was compassionate, understanding and empathetic about the whole ordeal. Encouraging me to lean into this limbo time. Embrace the more quiet way of life. Sharing that this is a great opportunity for me to speak to the Lord about how I am feeling - being honest with my frustrations and restlessness. Because you know what? The Lord can handle our big human emotions and wants us to seek Him out with all our feelings; the good and the bad.

So that is what I am going to do. Taking this time that I find awkward and weird and allowing the Lord to use it as a time of growth; transforming it into something beautiful.




Thank you for reading about how my heart is currently doing and what the Lord is doing in my life! Prayers are always appreciated (especially during this in between stage!)

3/28/2019 4:15:21 PM

I had the amazing opportunity to get away with a dear friend of mine for a couple of days this week. We rented a tiny house in the middle of nowhere on a lake (legit nothing around). We decided to unplug, unwind and just be intentional and present. Wow! I quickly learned I need to do this more often!

Unfortunately, it rained the second day we were there but that did not stop us from having fun and speaking truth into one another's lives. We took time to read through the book of Ephesians by taking turns reading the chapters out-loud. Let me tell you, if you have never sat down and read through Ephesians - do it. Now go and do it again. There is so much truth and grace in that book.

One thing that my friend and I talked a lot about was God's love. His love is beautiful, jealous, powerful, unrelenting, comforting, and something to be feared. We then sat back and realized that many of those adjectives that we just used to describe our Father's love are contradictory. And then we looked at it even further and talked about how we cannot truly comprehend the love He has for us. We took another look at Ephesians and found a verse that truly sums up our confusion and thoughts on our heart.

Ephesians 3:16-19
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

His love surpasses all knowledge. His love cannot be comprehended by us. His love is so vast that we are only able to understand part of it. I think that the Lord put Ephesians on our heart so that we could be reminded - reminded that we will never have a full grasp on the Lord's love and what His plan is for us. But that is where faith comes in. Faith that He will guide us, speak to us, and and continue love us through it all.

I am so grateful for a God whose love cannot be fully understood but a love that I feel and know is there anyway.

Go read Ephesians - you won't regret it.

2/9/2019 12:53:40 PM

I love my life - so why am I leaving?

For those of you who do not know, I just spent the last four years living in Monmouth where I attended Western Oregon. I graduated last Spring with a degree in Elementary Education with the thought that "I don't want to teach right away, I need a break." I'll give you one guess on what I am doing currently doing.. That's right - teaching. I moved back to Monmouth this past summer in order to teach at two wonderful elementary schools in the Resource Room. Did I expect to move back to this amazing little small town so soon? Absolutely not. However, I have fallen in love with this town and consider it home. So you may ask, why are you leaving it?
Do I love my job? Absolutely. Do I love the other professionals I work with? Of course! Do I love the students I see on a daily? More than anything. Do I go home each evening content with what I am doing and the life I am living? No.. When I truly searched for an answer to that question I was surprised. How is it that I can answer yes to all the previous questions yet still not feel satisfied with what I am currently doing? The answer is simple. The Lord has more planned for me. I truly believe I am where I am supposed to be right now, but I also feel strongly that it is not meant to be long term. The Lord has placed more on my heart and although I am sad about leaving, His plan for me is not in Monmouth. His plan is to remove me so far outside of my comfort zone that I must learn to trust him fully. His plan for my life is to leave the known and step out into the unknown. Am I nervous? Absolutely. Am I scared? You bet. But I also know that the Lord is going before me and because of that I will be ok.

Thank you all for the support, love and prayer! I am thankful for you all!

(Check out the song "I Don't Wanna Go" by Chris Renzema - it so accurately represents my heart and how I currently feel)