by 2012 Navajo to Africa Immersion Team Member Cassandra Torres Mason
"Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love."
- 1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Before coming home I made myself think that even though things were going to be different, life was going to be great, as great as the God I live for. I've been home for almost two months and I'm surprised to realize life isn't as great or easy as I thought it would be. I knew things were going to change, and I knew I was going to change, but the problem is not that I wasn't prepared for this, it's that I forgot that the one that was going to prepare me the best, wasn't me.
I've failed so much, in so many ways. Some days, it's like my little adventure, instead of changing my heart for the better, has done the complete opposite thing. But again, I forgot to remember that Africa wasn't what was going to transform my life, God was.
I miss so much. So so much. I miss being in contact with nature, day and night. I miss being able to see God and his presence EVERYWHERE. I miss my friends... those girls and that boy that became my adventure pals and much more than a family in Christ, people that had so much in common with me that could listen and understand, or at least try. I miss time... Yeah, days were slow and a little worry less. I miss loving on people as my "job" and as my target of the day, and how easy it was to love strangers no matter what. I miss becoming part of people's lives and how they treated me as one of them; Stephen and Magda's family care and example, Vian, Arina, and Annari's unconditional love to a stranger (that stranger was me), being called "mana Sandra" by Luisa Torres' family every hot morning and being honored with their attention (including having to eat a just killed hen... which was delicious), and the long walks (more like extreme hikes) with the Kula family (I will never forget having to watch Chuck Norris in Spanish and having the best Thanksgiving Day dinner with only rice, ketchup and of course, Coke).
I miss dreaming big, laughing hard, enjoying life and being able to realize how crazy it was, every moment. Of course it wasn't easy... it wasn't easy at all, but God's grace and love seemed so much easier to embrace... who would say? Differences turned out to be what connected things in a greater way.
After thinking about all of this I see myself not just weak but ungrateful of what I lived, one of the greatest blessings I could ever imagine. And I realize that all those things did not stay in Africa. Yes, home was there, but actually, home is wherever God wants me to be. Living for Jesus is home. That's were my heart needs to be. There is where I want to be. All the things God taught me, especially about love (oh, this word is so much more fantastic than I ever imagined) have to become real wherever I go.
Without doubt I am a different person. God did use Africa to transform my heart and my dreams, but my job now is to let him do that wherever I am. I must let myself love others as He has loved me, let myself dream big, and let myself learn how to be connected with God, without needing anything. I need to learn to wait on Him just as He taught me, and just remember that when I feel lonely, turning my eyes to my Father feels even greater (just as that time when the plane left me in Maputo...)
I am at home now; I am where He wants me to be. He has called me to be joyful and give thanks, because after all, this crazy life IS crazy, and God's plans are, too. What seems impossible (like going to Africa), He makes it possible.
Doesn't matter the place, the time, or the position of our hearts, we just need to say: "Here I am, send me," and enjoy the ride.
"Peace has been stripped away, and I have forgotten what prosperity is. I cry out, 'My splendor is gone! Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!' The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!' The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord. And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of his discipline: Let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord's demands. Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last. Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies. For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love."
- Lamentations 3:17-32
CASSANDRA TORRES MASON completed a 6-Month IMMERSION term through Experience Mission in 2012 that took her team from the Navajo Reservation in New Mexico to the southern African countries of Mozambique, Lesotho, and South Africa. This post is a personal reflection, and the views expressed are her own.
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