When people ask me what Africa is like it is so hard to explain to them in a few words what life on the southern tip of the African continent is like. I can talk about the extreme diversity between the rich and the poor. I could speak about the political unrest and the corruption that has infiltrated the country. I can describe to my best ability the immense difference in the food. One thing that is difficult to explain is the difference in relationships here as opposed to back home.
In 2013 when we began serving in South Africa we were told about the importance of building relationships. I had worked in sales where building relationships was part of my job. I had gotten to the point where I could just about talk to anyone about anything and try to connect on some level. I thought building relationships would be a piece of cake and something I was very used to. Throughout our three months in South Africa that year I realized that my concept of what a relationship consisted of was very different compared to that of South Africans.
Explaining the difference in relationships here is difficult. First, relationships take time. Hein, our South African co-worker, told us that relationships are not built on quality time but quantity time. There are people back home that I feel very close to that I haven’t spent a ton of time with, but the times that we were together were very meaningful. Because of those times I consider them great friends. Here, in order to be comfortable it takes time of breaking down barriers and really intentionally connecting with people. The second difference in relationships here is that with many relationships I have built here the past is more important than the future. I have been blessed to in a way inherit many relationships here through Hein and Helene as well as past Experience Mission teams. Because so many people have already paved the way for me to build relationships I am able to have a relationship on a deeper level based on relationships they have already built. The third big difference between relationships here and back home is that here, people are very open to building and forming new relationships. Africa is very relational. When someone asks me how I am doing I need to tell them. They want to know. It doesn’t matter if there is a task at hand that needs to be done. It doesn’t matter if the to do list is overflowing and there is not enough time to accomplish everything. If there is opportunity to sit down for tea and coffee or a plate of food that opportunity will be used to connect with people because relationship is more important than the task.
Building strong relationships is the foundation that we use to for ministry. It is through our relationships that we have the opportunity to share personal experiences of what Jesus has done for us. Through relationships we can organically build a support system where both sides can learn and grow from the other. Our ministry is based on relationships, and ministry is not restricted to a township. Our ministry extends to the streets, the neighborhoods, the shopping mall, and even the African markets. Ministry is not what we do but how we live being intentional to connect with those around us.
In 2013 we visited an African mall near Centurion. Immediately, as soon as we walked into the market we were bombarded by at least 20 small shop owners that all wanted us to buy something from them. They were very persistent to have us enter their shop and see the things they were selling. They would put items in your hand and tell you to make an offer regardless if you wanted the item or not. It was very overwhelming at first. After about 10 minutes I was ready to leave. The longer I stayed there the more closed off I became to the shop owners and their sales tactics of learning my name, where I was from, I was married, and how long I had visited South Africa. One shop owner reached out to us as we were walking through, and told us to come see his shop. There was no pressure. Countless shop owners had already told us that as they placed things in our hands and asked for an offer. Abruptly when he told us to come see his shop I said “I have no more money. I cannot buy anything else.” He said that was fine. He just wanted to show me his shop and the items he had made himself.
Upon entering his shop I found a piece that I instantly wanted to buy for a beautiful family back home. At this point though I had been pressured into buying so much stuff from other shops that I was completely out of South African Rand. He began telling me about the piece. I loved it. I told him I loved it, but I didn’t have any Rand left. All I had was 20 US Dollars, and I knew the item was worth much more than that. He said it was ok. He wanted to bless me. He told me to pay whatever I could, and he wouldn’t worry about the rest. I decided to take his offer. He even engraved the names of the family back home onto the item for free. After he had rapped the piece up for me I asked him what his name was. He told me his name was Gabriel, and that he was a believer in Jesus. He had heard from others in the marked that I was there doing mission work , and he just wanted to bless me. I stood there for a long time and spoke with Gabriel. He was a nice personable person in the midst of the ABC sales people.
Sara and I returned to South Africa in 2015. Each Immersion team that arrives in South Africa visits the market. As we were finishing leading the first 6 month Immersion team we took them to the same market. Unsurprisingly the market hadn’t changed a bit. It was still the same intrusive sales tactics we had faced a couple years prior. As we walked along through the market I began feeling overwhelmingly frustrated with countless shop owners pulling me into their shop until one shop owner looked familiar. I tried to place him in my mind, but I couldn’t remember who he was. He told us to come look at his shop. There was no pressure to buy. As we looked at everything he had for sale I finally realized who he was. This was Gabriel whom I had met two years ago!
I began speaking with Gabriel. I told him I had been there in 2013, and I pointed to a stone cut carving that was similar to what I had purchased from him. I had told him I didn’t have enough money, but he told me it was ok. He didn’t remember me or my story, but he was overwhelmingly joyful that I had remembered him. I stood there speaking with him as the team finished their shopping. As I was standing there the shop owner from across the walkway approached us and joined the conversation. Gabriel introduced us. His name was George. George had shoulder long dreads and a huge smile that would light a room. His personality was much like Gabriel’s.
Before leaving that day I looked at everything at both Gabriel’s and George’s booth. I would ask about the different artifacts. They showed me some of the things they had made themselves. They told me how they would carve the rocks, sand, burn, and stain them to get the machine like smooth precision finishes. It was fascinating to understand how they made things. They did ask me if I wanted to buy anything, but I told them I was only there for the team. I wasn’t buying anything that day. They told me that was fine. I had probably stood and talked with them for about an hour before it was time to leave. I assured them I would be back with other teams, and before I returned home for the holidays I would buy something from them.
The following month we had another team join us. Once again we visited the market. This time, instead of becoming frustrated and overwhelmed with the shop keepers I immediately made my way to Gabriel’s stall. His face lit up when I greeted him. George quickly made his way over, and we talked for about an hour and a half. They told me about their families, where they were from, what they were doing in South Africa, some of their challenges, and many other things.
My view of the market began to change. I began thinking of all the shop owners that were so intruding. As much as I hated their approach it began to make sense. This was their livelihood. They were all selling the exact same things - 20 to 30 different shops all filled with the same merchandise. Their families rely on them to sell all they can to support them. Once I had the opportunity to get past the brash sales personality to see the two genuine personalities of Gabriel and George I began speaking to other shop owners on a more personal level to share my testimony about my relationship with Jesus. As I began to treat them as people and not sales people there was a sudden shift in the way I experienced the market. I began to learn the shop owners names’ and they learned mine. Conversations shifted from pressure to buy things to stories about life experiences.
Finally, I returned in November 2015. This was my last time at the market before I returned home for the holidays. I immediately rushed to Gabriel and George. The first thing they asked me was where Sara was. I explained that she had an illness and she had to return home. I know that doesn’t sound like a huge thing, but keep in mind the atmosphere of the market. The initial mindset of the majority of the shop owners is to force someone to buy something, but at this point the conversation started with genuine intrigue. They were both upset at the news of Sara’s illness, and told me they would be praying for her. As I transitioned the conversation I began to ask about the art work and carvings in their shops. I told them that today I am buying gifts for friends and family back home. I asked George to show me the thing he was most proud of making. He picked up a wooden lion with exquisite detail. He told me he carved it himself. He began showing me other items in the shop that he was proud of. I picked some things out we worked on a price, and then he told me to go visit Gabriel and he would wrap everything for me to take home. I then went to Gabriel and asked him to show me what he was proud of. There were beautiful African paintings of landscapes and exotic animals both in black and white and vibrant colors. He began to tell me about the paintings he painted. He then moved to carvings he had done. I picked some items out, we negotiated a price, and he told me he would wrap everything for me.
When I returned to George’s stall he placed the wrapped gifts in a bag for me. He then told me he had something special for me. Behind him he reached for a small hand painted ceramic bowl. He told me he had a gift for me to take home. As he handed it to me I noticed there was something written on it. Engraved into the bowl were the words, “To Jarrod from George.” He told me to take this back to the states to remember him. It was a small thing but it was very personal. I had begun looking forward to seeing Gabriel and George at the market. I considered them very good friends. I wanted to bless their business by just buying a few gifts from them, but in the process he blessed me with something so memorable. I thanked George for his gift and told him I would take it back and show everyone at home my gift from my friend George. I visited Gabriel one last time to collect the gifts I had purchased from him. As I picked up my bag and began to walk away he stopped me. He told me he had a gift for me. He pulled out a small ceramic hand painted bowl that had a different painting on it than the one George had given me. As I looked at it I saw that it was also engraved - “To Sarah from Gabriel.” Gabriel told me to take it home to Sara. He said he would be praying for her and would believe for her healing. We exchanged contact information, and I told both Gabriel and George I would see them next year.
Time went by and our return to South Africa was delayed because of Sara’s health. Gabriel though had not forgotten us. I received two emails from him when we were home. Each time he reminded us that he was praying for us. He also encouraged us to not get frustrated. I emailed him back and kept him updated on Sara’s condition and told him we would return to see him as soon as we could. Our connection expanded past the market. It developed into a friendship that remained despite the vast distance.
When we returned to the market this year we quickly found George. We spoke with him for a while; catching up on what all had happened while we were gone. To our disappointment Gabriel was not there. He didn’t arrive at the market until it was about time to leave. We asked him where he was and he explained he was home getting his two young boys ready for school. He had actually been gone from the market for about a month and a half. His wife, Sarah was very ill. So sick that she returned to their hometown in Zimbabwe to receive medical treatment from US doctors. He told us she had a mass on her neck and swelling all around her body. The doctors have run many tests and still are inconclusive as to what is causing everything. As he began telling us everything that she was suffering with we could see the despair in his eyes and hear the pain in his voice. Devastated we prayed for his wife and told him we would continue praying for their whole family.
Before we left the market we asked Gabriel to show us what he had been working on. He is an excellent craftsman. He showed us a beautiful piece he had been working on. He said he started with a large stone and over a month and a half meticulously carved out a beautiful African tree with a large family of giraffes eating from it. He told us that he started carving and sanding it. The next step was to burn the giraffes and then stain them black. Then after the stain sets in he would carve the detail of the spots onto the giraffes. He was very proud of it. However, we could tell as he was speaking with us about his creation that his heart and mind were elsewhere.
We left the market torn. We were full of joy that we were able to reunite with Gabriel and George. It was a meeting we were looking forward to. However, we were completely heartbroken to hear about Gabriel’s wife. As days passed I could not get Gabriel and his wife, Sarah, out of my mind. Prayerfully I spoke to Sara about going back to the market to purchase something from Gabriel’s shop to support him and Sarah. We wanted to be able to bless him as others have blessed us. I contacted Gabriel and told him we would return to the market the following week.
When we returned we met Gabriel and George again. We told Gabriel we wanted to purchase something to support he and his wife since he had been out of work so long caring for her. Before we found anything we asked how she was doing. From the time we had left the market the prior week her condition had degraded. They found fluid on her heart, and they still had no idea what treatment to pursue. They started medication the day before we arrived to treat the new symptom. Gabriel pulled out his phone and showed us pictures of Sarah and their two small boys. He is a very proud husband and father. Before we left that day we purchased something to help support them to let him know we cared about he and his family. We prayed again with him. We promised that we would let everyone back home know about Sarah’s condition and have them pray for her.
I received a text from Gabriel a few days ago. It said,
“I would like to take this opportunity to thank you and your wife for your support which you have shown towards my wife Sarah. This is one of the darkest periods of my life, but you were there for me like a brother. I am really touched, and I don’t know how I can express my appreciation.”
I didn’t really want to share that because it is very personal to me, but I wanted to share it with our supporters. Even though we are the ones that have built the relationship with Gabriel we could not have been here to do so without you. We also purchased something from him to help their family during this difficult time. Your support has allowed us to do that. We were able to be a blessing to Gabriel and his family because you have been a blessing to us. Your generosity helps us do what we are here to do. We are not standing on the street corners preaching the gospel with a bull horn, but we are here building relationships with people we meet - genuine relationships - in order to share Jesus with them any way we can.
So, if you are still reading this ridiculously long blog about two guys we met at a market I want to ask you to do something. Please remember Gabriel, Sarah, and their two young sons in your prayers. Pray for wisdom and guidance for the doctors to find the underlying issues to all of Sarah’s symptoms, and pray for her to return to full health. I also want to challenge you to go past the cheap ‘hello, how are you doing’ today, and intentionally connect with someone in whom you wouldn’t ordinarily invest. It could be a co-worker, a parent at a ballgame, someone on the street, or someone in the grocery store. Take a few minutes out of your busy schedule to be different. You don’t know how your effort to be genuine with someone can drastically impact others’ perception of people around them. It could also in turn bless you with a deep meaningful bond that cannot be expressed with words no matter how hard you try.
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