by Emily Wagner, EM Summer Staff on the Navajo Reservation
Recognizing our brokenness is a difficult and humbling thing: to realize that we are not capable of thriving in life on our own, that's a hard thing to admit. I know in my head that I am a broken person but I am afraid to accept it in my heart—to let our brokenness be known and used by God is vulnerability in its most raw and powerful form. Being broken means that we release our tight grasp on controlling our own destiny, working according to our own will. It means that instead we surrender to God's will. We let go of pride, stubbornness, and self-interest in favor of hearing and listening to God's direction for our lives.
For me, brokenness means being here on the Navajo Reservation this summer. I did not want to come here. I had my own plans in mind. I wanted God's plan to be my plan. But, of course, it wasn't. And I cannot imagine being any other place right now. Returning to the Mesa tonight meant no showers for another week. It meant 18-hour work days, some frustrations and conflicts, no running water, desert heat, dirt on every square inch of my body, and really hard work (blood and sweat and tears and all).
But these things were not even crossing my mind today on the drive back. The drive from Farmington to Kayenta is always stunning—a proud display of God's striking work on the landscape of the area. And when I finally pulled up to Black Mesa and House of Joy Church this afternoon, I saw many of my little friends playing in the dirt out front of the building. As soon as I opened the trunk of the Subaru, they were all willingly and enthusiastically helping me unload bags and bags and bags of groceries. Every single one of them—even down to little 3-year-old Analisa—didn't stop until that car was empty and everything was inside, and they did it with smiles and laughs.
God is at work here on the Mesa. I see Him each day in the interactions I have with the people and the relationships that we are building here. I feel such joy being in this place. I expected to be worn out and empty when we came back. But God has different plans in mind for our time here. I am full. Full of love, full of life, full of enthusiasm for the week that is to come. I am SO happy to be in Black Mesa. Yes, it is hard. Yes, we have difficulties. Yes, I don't sleep much. And yes, sometimes I want to quit. But more than that, we have God and we have love. I am not comfortable here but I am content. I am satisfied by where God has placed me and I am filled by His love for us—all of us.
Tonight we were able to experience a glimpse of that love. Some of our friends from the community (Dorothy, Ann and kids, and the neighborhood children) joined us for dinner. They made us Navajo burgers (burgers on fry bread, which is amazing) and we enjoyed a lovely evening together in simple fellowship. We got to just be. That is what I love about being here. Living life with people and hearing their stories is such a blessed way to spend time. Ann's story is particularly impactful to me. She is such an inspiration; a strong mother of three who has had to endure way too much in life. Ann is bold in her faith and in life. She had me in tears the other night around the campfire as she recounted some of her experiences to me. I am really loving spending time with her and appreciating her ability to be vulnerable with me, a complete stranger turned family in just a few short weeks. I love her and her sweet girls so much, and can't wait to spend the summer playing with them and learning who they truly are.
This is what I love about the Rez. Some people told me it would be hard here to break down walls and reach through to people. But that's one of the many advantages to being a semi-permanent figure here. Although we're only here for three months, we are still able to be a constant to the community when they see teams come and go every summer and every year. I feel like I belong.
This week we have a team of 35 coming to serve. Some of that is a middle school group from Missouri, and the other part is a high school team from Kansas. We are so excited to meet this new group and get to know them. I am looking forward to the week, especially as we get into a rhythm and can find some peace in our work these next several days.
Please be praying for rest and rejuvenation. Thank you for all your love and support as we continue this adventure of learning, loving, and growing out here in Arizona.
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LEARN MORE | Mission Trips to the Navajo Reservation
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